Parvum Opus 378: Mistress of Unobtanium

MISTRESS OF MANNERS

Miss Manners (Judith Martin) explains the origins of Mrs. and Ms.:

… the title of Mistress was used for both the married and unmarried, just as its equivalent, Mister, was and still is. Seventeenth- and 18th-century* tombstones can also be found in which Mistress is also abbreviated as - get this - Ms.

That's right - using Ms. for both the married and the unmarried is not a modern feminist invention. No disrespect is intended in the old or the modern usage.

Later, two other abbreviations of Mistress, Miss and Mrs., took on distinct meanings: Miss meaning unmarried, and Mrs. meaning "wife of . . . " Therefore, Mrs. would not be used with the lady's first and last names [i.e. Mrs. Jane Smith rather than Mrs. John Smith], because it would make no sense to call her the wife of herself.

I think she errs here. True, today Mrs. always means a married woman, or a formerly married woman. It’s also a title to sort of distance the speaker from a woman, so you don’t have to holler “Hey you” or “Hey Sue”.

But to go further in her line of thought, is Mister John Smith the husband of himself? No, we suppose he is the master of himself; a free man, whether married or not. In the old days, Mistress Mary Meade was a female in her parents’ house or in her husband’s (and her) house, perhaps her own house, and the mistress of herself to a degree.

While women today sometimes object to being called housewives (“I’m not married to a house”), no one objected to being considered the mistress of a house. It was a great responsibility, a mark of the progression from female childhood to maturity.

*By the way, we all learned not to start a sentence with a numerical digit, but to spell out numbers. In a sentence like this one, where the spelled-out century is paired with the numbered century, should this rule be ignored? It looks clumsy, yet spelling out both dates would be awkward. You could reword the sentence to save the rule, but sometimes this involves twisting the natural flow of the English sentence, but try: “Tombstones in the 17th and 18th centuries…” This has the further advantage of eliminating the hyphenated adjectival phrase.

FROM THE PEN OF ANNE DABEE

Rhonda - You rang several of my bells this time!

On Teaching English

"The mother-tongue differs in one respect from all other subjects of study. It is not only an end, but the vehicle, of instruction. For this reason all teaching is English teaching, and every school exercise may be made, and should be made, an English lesson." Nicholas Murray Butler, Introduction to Percival Chubb's The Teaching of English xx (1902).

The Maryland State Board of Ed. must not have read this in 1973, when I was a volunteer in my youngest's third grade class. Correcting papers, for all subjects, was one of my duties. I was disturbed to learn that, while spelling and punctuation could be marked (i.e. red penciled) on all papers, such errors could only be counted against the grade on ENGLISH papers. The teacher almost apologized when he told me that, and encouraged me to make BIG red marks for bad spelling wherever it occurred. Even on a science paper, misspelling of words in the science lesson (the planet Merkry, for instance) didn't lower the grade as long as the INFORMATION was correct. No wonder we can't spell today! (Btw, this was NOT the way it was done in Minnesota - everything counted on every paper - so it was doubly shocking to me when I learned the Maryland rules. Remember, too, that Dave and his sibs had to learn all verses of the Star Spangled Banner before getting a passing grade in Senior English - things were much different there!)

On apostrophes
The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small-business signs to alert the reader that an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHECK'S, or: NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY ITEM'S. Another important grammar concept to bear in mind when creating hand-lettered small-business signs is that you should put quotation marks around random words for decoration... [Dave Barry]

And then there's the issue of incorrectly using the apostrophe when a plural is intended - i.e. on addresses or mailbox signs, "The Smith's", or "We went to the movies with the Smith's" - the Smith's WHAT? For the address/mailbox, it could be considered a verbal shortcut to "The Smith's house"; your guess is as good as mine regarding the companion(s) at the movies... and we won't even address the problems with correct usage of its and it's.

Cereal Comma

(LOVE this! Grape Nut's?)

Back to the serial comma, I still don’t know of a rule saying a modifier at the end of a sentence modifies only the final element in the series (Laugh, Sing, and Eat Like a Pig—laugh like a pig? sing like a pig?)...

Perhaps no rule, just 20-some years of training (continuing education, of sorts) proofing and editing legal text, where everything had to be expressed in a way to promote maximum clarity and minimum opportunity for misinterpretation (by clever lawyers trying to bend the law to suit their purposes?) Enough, already - just everybody buy the book and make up your own mind what the author does like a pig... or not.

Illusive allusion may elude

This was the teaser on one of the "current news" bits on AOL's Welcome page. Things like this annoy me almost as much as reporters who incorrectly use "might" and "may". As in, "...he died last January, and this newly approved drug may have prevented his death."

“Tara Lipinski says she remembers a lot of things about winning gold medal during the 1998 Winter Olympics. But one tiny thing still alludes her…”

Wonder what I'll do for entertainment when everyone (at least in America) writes and speaks proper English?

Respectfully submitted - Anne

When everyone speaks proper English, I will have nothing to write about. As for Lipinski, I respectfully submit that the tiny thing is the journalist who alluded [to] her. Apropos of which is an item from Overheard in the Newsroom ‎#5998: Student in basic reporting class: “I think my major in English and my minor in journalism is a conflict of interest.”

And while we’re there, here’s another: Overheard in the Newsroom ‎#6017: Reporter 1: “God, I’m feeling flungover today.” Reporter 2: “What’s ‘flungover’?” Reporter 1: “It’s like hungover, only further over.”

And another clever coinage heard on the Dennis Miller radio program from a movie producer: “They moved to the left coast looking for unobtanium.”

TIMELINESS

This selection shows the problem I’ve always had with the word “timely”:

…verify, correct, and update primary law data timely, efficiently, and accurately…

Efficient and accurate are adjectives and can be made into adverbs by adding ly. Time is not an adjective, but timely is. Timely is not really the same formation as the two other words in the series. We can say “do it in a timely manner” or “do it on time” (which is slightly different in meaning, implying a specific deadline), but we never say “do it timely”, at least I don’t. There isn’t really a parallel construction to maketime/timely into an adverb.

THANKING YOU IN ADVANCE

You’ve probably seen signs like these:

Thank you for bringing only service animals into the store.

The idea is to avoid being negative, e.g. “Do not bring animals into the store, except service animals. And by the way, thanks.” The word “only” is crucial here. I’m waiting to see “Thank you for wearing shirts and shoes”. Or how about “Thank you for parking somewhere else” or “Thank you for driving straight and maybe going around the block instead of making a U-turn”. Even “Thank you for not smoking” requires the use of “not” which is so, uh, negative.

PEN KNIFE

I was watching a documentary video on The Book of Kells—I was lucky enough to find a used CD containing the entire ms.—and in the demonstration of cutting a quill pen, I realized where the term pen knifecame from: obviously a smallish blade suitable for trimming quill pens.

THE WEEKLY GIZZARD: MOI ON EXAMINER.COM

Vote early and often and anywhere you want

A federal court has found that Arizona cannot require proof of citizenship for voter registration, though polling places can require photo ID. This ruling is from the same administration that has chosen not to pursue the appearance of Black...

Columbus Day is for all native Americans

Today is the "official" (Monday) Columbus Day holiday. Someone has posted an anti-Columbus video featuring good-looking young non-white people talking about the heinous crimes of Christopher Columbus (meaning, of course, all white...

NEW!

New Parvum Opus items in the CafePress store, including beverage and food thermoses.

_________________________________________________________________

BIOGRAPHY

Buy Sonny Robertson’s intro biography on CD, When Sonny Gets Blue, at CafePress. (Note that if the text on the spine is misaligned, it’s the fault of CafePress, not me.) Also, four of his early pre-blues R&B dance songs are now on YouTube. Search for Sonny Robertson + The Tabs. Music CDs available at sonnyrobertson.com/buy, where you can buy with PayPal.

ONLINE PUBS

I’m publishing for the Kindle digital reader with Amazon and on Lulu.com for download to computer and for printing. Amazon now has a downloadable Kindle reader if you don’t have the little handheld device. Most of these titles are available in both locations. Search for Rhonda Keith on Amazon.com Kindle store and Lulu.com.

The Man from Scratch is about cloning, escort services, murder, and restaurants in Akron, Ohio, featuring Roxy Barbarino, writer for Adventuress Magazine. Novel. PRICE REDUCED.

A Walk Around Stonehaven is a travel article on my trip to Scotland. Short article with photos. (Lulu.com only.)

The Wish Book is fantasy-suspense-romance featuring the old Sears Roebuck catalogues. Novella. PRICE REDUCED.

Carl Kriegbaum Sleeps with the Corn is about a young gambler who finds himself upright in a cornfield in Kansas with his feet encased in a tub of concrete; how would you get out of a spot like that? Short story.

Still Ridge is about a young woman who moves from Boston to Appalachia and finds there are two kinds of moonshine, the good kind and the kind that can kill you. Short story.

Whither Spooning? asks whether synchronized spooning can be admitted to the 2010 Winter Olympics. Humorous sports article.

Blood, Sweat, Tears, and Cats: One woman's tale of menopause, in which I learn that the body is predictive; I perceive that I am like my cat; and I find love. Autobiographical essay.

Parvum Opus Volume I. The first year (December 2002 through 2003). You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll get PO’ed. Collection of columns.

NEW PRODUCTS in CafePress:

Food thermos and beverage thermos

Scot Tartans and Fresh Pict:

T-shirts and more (custom orders available).

T-Shirts & mug: FRESH PICT, with two ancient Pictish designs

BUMPER STICKER: FRESH PICT, white on blue, with 10th Century Pict-Scot Merman Cross (blue on white also available)

Stuff:

BEVERAGE THERMOS, FOOD THERMOS, SIGG WATER BOTTLE, ORGANIC T-SHIRTS IN GREAT COLORS, MINI-CAMERAS, DENIM SHIRTS, MUGS, TOTE BAGS, MOUSE PAD, TEDDY BEAR, AND MUCH MORE AT Parvum Opus CafePress shop: (NOTE: If you have problems viewing this site, try a different browser.)

· Click To Embiggen boxer shorts

· Eschew Obfuscation bumper sticker

· Graphic covers of my books

· Dulce, Utile, et Decorum (Sweet, Useful, and Proper), title of new collection of Parvum Opus, Volume I; & bumper sticker

· No Pain, No Pain

· Star o’ the Bar

· Veritas Vincit (Truth Conquers) with Celtic Catti & Snake insignia

· Flash in the Pants

· If you're so smart why aren't you me?

· PWE (Protestant Work Ethic)

· I am here maternity tops

· I eat dead things (doggy shirt, pet dishes, and BBQ apron)

If you don’t see exactly what you want — a particular design or text on a particular item — let me know and I’ll customize products for you.

______________________________________________

Trivium pursuit ~ rhetoric, grammar, and logic, or reading, writing, and reckoning: Parvum Opus discusses language, education, journalism, culture, and more. Parvum Opus by Rhonda Keith is a publication of KeithOps / Opus Publishing Services. Editorial input provided by Fred Stephens. Rhonda Keith is a long-time writer, editor, and English teacher. Feel free to e-mail me with comments or queries. The PO mailing list is private, never given or sold to anyone else. If you don't want to receive Parvum Opus, please e-mail, and I'll take you off the mailing list.Copyright Rhonda Keith 2010. Parvum Opus or part of it may be reproduced only with permission, but you may forward the entire newsletter as long as the copyright remains.

Translate into 12 languages, including two forms of Chinese, using Babelfish.

Parvum Opus 377: English Display

Dulce, utile, et decorum est pro patria scribere

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FOOTNOTE TO AN ERA

I wrote about Germaine Greer’s book Shakespeare’s Wife in PO 319 (how long ago it seems now, April 2009), and last week browsed around on YouTube for Greer and found her giving a talk on the book, which made me feel as if I should give the book another shot. She wrote that Anne Hathaway probably supported William Shakespeare in his career, perhaps even paid for publication of the first collection of plays, on top of tolerating his long absences in London. But at about minute 55.45 through the lecture, she said something rather startling to one raised on The Female Eunuch:

“I’m hoping we can continue to be interested in the way great talent is nourished and supported. I’m prepared to admit most of it is male. It’s mostly male display. But that little brown bird scratching around next to that great extraordinary gamecock is the reason why he’s there.”

Hardly an explanation for the source of genius.

So much of “women’s studies” has been devoted to trying to find evidence that women’s writing, for instance, is actually different from men’s, that perhaps there is even a “female” sentence structure. Greer founded a program at The University of Tulsa called Studies in Women’s Literature, and a journal called Tulsa Studies in Women’s Literature. Virginia Wolf’s A Room of One’s Own said there could have been no female Shakespeare because women could never have been as free as a man in those days and so on. Feminist scholars often seemed resentful and embarrassed that there has been no female Shakespeare, but they couldn’t in good conscience change their standards as much as public school teachers have, and say that reading the dead white males isn’t as important in Western culture today as studying otherly sexed or tinted minor living poets.

So by March 2009 Greer has come around to saying genius in men is “male display”—which is a way of trivializing it.

VANITY VANITY, NOT ALL IS VANITY

Two recently spotted vanity license plates:

WOO PIG

DRAWN IN

The obvious question is, what kind of vanity is involved here, if any?

PDF

I will not try sending PO as a PDF file again. It’s useless in posting to the web, and as for e-mail, lawyer Dea Robertson explained:

From my browser, (I'm using Google Chrome), one click gets me to the links that are spread throughout your articles. It's easy to do with just one click from any browser. In Acrobat's PDF, I have to wait for the program to come online and I use the professional version instead of the Reader. Sometimes, I'm still waiting when I've finished reading the article. Also in PDF, I have to strike the Ctl and click the mouse if I want to jump into another link, like to one of your news articles, or over to Dave the Bee's site. But before I can even do that, I have to save the PDF download on my hard drive. Not that I am superstitious, just that I'd rather save it on somebody else's hard drive like Yahoo's than I would mine. Besides, they can afford to upgrade the virus checkers better and faster than I can and it's cheaper that way. Besides, PDF works better when one is transporting important legal forms that have to be printed such as a contract or something for the IRS or the courts. PDFs give a reasonably accurate reproduction and if it’s something like that, I'm using Parvum for evidence. Even then, the judge will use a monitor from the bench.

Thanks for the detailed deconstruction, Dea. Of course sometimes PDF files are useful so it’s good to be able to produce them easily and at no cost. Dave DaBee says that Bullzip is another good PDF program.

ALL TEACHING IS ENGLISH TEACHING

Some people think all learning—literature, history, etc.—is political. Not so.

"The mother-tongue differs in one respect from all other subjects of study. It is not only an end, but the vehicle, of instruction. For this reason all teaching is English teaching, and every school exercise may be made, and should be made, an English lesson." Nicholas Murray Butler, Introduction to Percival Chubb's The Teaching of English xx (1902).

QUOTES, MARKS, UNNECESSARY USE OF

Dave daBee found a great site all about unnecessary quotation marks (quotes, for short).

In case anyone asks you, remember that quotation marks are not one of the ways we emphasize words. In hand-writing, we can write in all caps or underline or even use a highlighter. With a typewriter, we can underline and write in all caps. With a computer, we can be our own typesetters and use italics and bold face type. But in no case are we to use quotations marks for emphasis.

Quotation marks indicate (1) a quotation, someone else said or wrote this (He said, “Go for it.”); (2) the word is foreign or odd in some way (The Spanish word “simpatico” appeared in today’s crossword puzzle.); (3) you don’t really mean it (Coffee is my “speed”.); (4) you’re actually ridiculing the word or idea, when quotes are also called scare quotes and mean “so called” (The Tea Party “constitutional patriots” held a rally.). And we’re not even discussing whether these usages constitute good style.

As fate would have it, Dave Barry’s column appeared in my e-mail today featuring my favorite expert, Mr. Language Person, who weighs in on quotation marks, among other things. Coincidence? Perhaps.

Dear Mister Language Person: What is the purpose of the apostrophe?

A. The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small- business signs to alert the reader that an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHECK'S, or: NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY ITEM'S. Another important grammar concept to bear in mind when creating hand-lettered small- business signs is that you should put quotation marks around random words for decoration, as in "TRY" OUR HOT DOG'S, or even TRY "OUR" HOT DOG'S.

Or even TRY OUR “HOT” DOG’S, or TRY OUR HOT “DOG’S”.

CEREAL COMMA

Back to the serial comma, I still don’t know of a rule saying a modifier at the end of a sentence modifies only the final element in the series (Laugh, Sing, and Eat Like a Pig—laugh like a pig? sing like a pig?), but in discussing the problems of ambiguity, Wikipedia uses an erroneous example:

My usual breakfast is coffee, toast, cornflakes and bacon and eggs.

According to the two most plausible interpretations of this sentence, four foods are listed; but it is uncertain which are the third and fourth: adding a serial comma removes this ambiguity. With a comma after bacon, the foods are:

Coffee

Toast

Cornflakes and bacon

Eggs

With a comma after cornflakes:

Coffee

Toast

Cornflakes

Bacon and eggs

There are five foods, not four. Bacon and eggs are two, though they may be paired, or grouped in a series of two (i.e. one element of a series may be a compound or even another series). But unless it’s a bacon omelet, it’s two foods.

THE BALLAD OF FRANKIE SILVER

The Ballad of Frankie Silver is a good novel by Sharyn McCrumb, based in part on a real crime in 19th century North Carolina. Movies are being made about the story (not her novel), and you can watch acomplete documentary online, featuring Bobby McMillon, a descendant of one of the original families. McMillon lives in the Appalachians and has a strong and distinctive accent, with some bits of rare vocabulary thrown in.

The Weekly Gizzard: Moi on Examiner.com

Running clean elections takes a lot of work

John Williams, who is running for Juvenile Court Judge in Hamilton County, spoke to a meeting of the Eastern Hills Tea Party in Madeira, Ohio, last night about his experience as Director of Hamilton County Board of Elections, when the 2008...

Critical legal studies, free will, and voting

Pat Fischer, who is running for judge on the Hamilton County Court of Appeals, spoke last night to a meeting of the Eastern Hills Tea Party in Madeira, Ohio, on "critical legal studies" versus "strict constructionism."...

__________________________________________________________________

BIOGRAPHY

Buy Sonny Robertson’s intro biography on CD, When Sonny Gets Blue, at CafePress. (Note that if the text on the spine is misaligned, it’s the fault of CafePress, not me.) Also, four of his early pre-blues R&B dance songs are now on YouTube. Search for Sonny Robertson + The Tabs. Music CDs available at sonnyrobertson.com/buy, where you can buy with PayPal.

ONLINE PUBS

I’m publishing for the Kindle digital reader with Amazon and on Lulu.com for download to computer and for printing. Amazon now has a downloadable Kindle reader if you don’t have the little handheld device. Most of these titles are available in both locations. Search for Rhonda Keith on Amazon.com Kindle store and Lulu.com.

The Man from Scratch is about cloning, escort services, murder, and restaurants in Akron, Ohio, featuring Roxy Barbarino, writer for Adventuress Magazine. Novel. PRICE REDUCED.

A Walk Around Stonehaven is a travel article on my trip to Scotland. Short article with photos. (Lulu.com only.)

The Wish Book is fantasy-suspense-romance featuring the old Sears Roebuck catalogues. Novella. PRICE REDUCED.

Carl Kriegbaum Sleeps with the Corn is about a young gambler who finds himself upright in a cornfield in Kansas with his feet encased in a tub of concrete; how would you get out of a spot like that? Short story.

Still Ridge is about a young woman who moves from Boston to Appalachia and finds there are two kinds of moonshine, the good kind and the kind that can kill you. Short story.

Whither Spooning? asks whether synchronized spooning can be admitted to the 2010 Winter Olympics. Humorous sports article.

Blood, Sweat, Tears, and Cats: One woman's tale of menopause, in which I learn that the body is predictive; I perceive that I am like my cat; and I find love. Autobiographical essay.

Parvum Opus Volume I. The first year (December 2002 through 2003). You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll get PO’ed. Collection of columns.

NEW PRODUCTS in CafePress:

Scot Tartans: T-shirts and more (custom orders available).

T-Shirts & mug: FRESH PICT, with two ancient Pictish designs

BUMPER STICKER: FRESH PICT, white on blue, with 10th Century Pict-Scot Merman Cross (blue on white also available)

SIGG WATER BOTTLE, ORGANIC T-SHIRTS IN GREAT COLORS, MINI-CAMERAS, DENIM SHIRTS, MUGS, TOTE BAGS, MOUSE PAD, TEDDY BEAR, AND MUCH MORE AT Parvum Opus CafePress shop: (NOTE: If you have problems viewing this site, try a different browser.)

NEW:

CLICK TO EMBIGGEN boxer shorts

ESCHEW OBFUSCATION bumper sticker

FRESH PICT items

Graphic covers of my books

Dulce, Utile, et Decorum (Sweet, Useful, and Proper), title of new collection of Parvum Opus, Volume I

BUMPER STICKER: Dulce, Utile, et Decorum

No Pain, No Pain

Star o’ the Bar

Veritas Vincit (Truth Conquers) with Keith clan Catti insignia

Flash in the Pants

If you're so smart why aren't you me?

PWE (Protestant Work Ethic)

I am here maternity tops

I eat dead things (doggy shirt, pet dishes, and BBQ apron)

If you don’t see exactly what you want — a particular design or text on a particular item — let me know and I’ll customize products for you.

______________________________________________

Trivium pursuit ~ rhetoric, grammar, and logic, or reading, writing, and reckoning: Parvum Opus discusses language, education, journalism, culture, and more. Parvum Opus by Rhonda Keith is a publication of KeithOps / Opus Publishing Services. Editorial input provided by Fred Stephens. Rhonda Keith is a long-time writer, editor, and English teacher. Feel free to e-mail me with comments or queries. The PO mailing list is private, never given or sold to anyone else. If you don't want to receive Parvum Opus, please e-mail, and I'll take you off the mailing list.Copyright Rhonda Keith 2010. Parvum Opus or part of it may be reproduced only with permission, but you may forward the entire newsletter as long as the copyright remains.

Translate into 12 languages, including two forms of Chinese, using Babelfish.

LINK HERE TO LOOK FOR BOOKS ON AMAZON.COM!

Or click on underlined book links.

ELSEWHERE

Parvum Opus now appears at http://cafelit.blogspot.com/. It is also carried by the Hur Herald, a web newspaper from Calhoun County, West Virginia. See Editor Bob Weaver's interview with me (February 10, 2007 entry), and the PO every week in Columns.

WHEN SONNY GETS BLUE! At last, the first installment of Sonny’s biography is out on CD, When Sonny Gets Blue at CafePress.com/sonnyrobertson. Check out the video and music clips of great blues man Sonny Robertson and the Howard Street Blues Band at http://www.sonnyrobertson.com/ and http://www.youtube.com/rondaria, with his new original song, "A Different Shade of Blue". Listen to Judy Joy Jones’s interview with Sonny.

PEACE MISSION INDIA blogs the progress of Pastor Roy Jacob’s mission to build churches in India. Now 79, Pastor Roy (who is an Indian) has built 10 churches, and has a girls’ school to rescue girls from the mountains and jungles who otherwise might be married off as children or perhaps sold.

SEARCH IT OUT ON AMAZON : "It is the glory of God to conceal a thing: but the honour of kings is to search out a matter." Proverbs 25:2;

"Get wisdom! Even if it costs you everything, get understanding!" Proverbs 4:7:

The poet Muriel Rukeyser said the universe is not composed of atoms, but stories. The physicist Werner Heisenberg said the universe is not made of matter, but music.