Parvum Opus 381: This Parvum Year

Dulce, utile, et decorum est pro patria scribere

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Long Ago and Far Away

Anne DaBee wrote:

One more "Anne story", as a result of your Andrew Buck report.

I knew an elementary school principal who REALLY didn't know which came first, the Revolutionary War or the Civil War, and firmly believed it didn't matter because they were both over a long time ago. He didn't even have the sense to figure out that their NAMES could keep the chronology straight for him...

I believe his must have been a social promotion, as in "For God's sake, get him out of the classroom, even if we have to make him principal to do it." He'd been a teacher for about 17 years, tenured for 15, and I can vouch for the fact that he had plenty of self esteem. At another time I might get tangled up in a dissertation on the potential dangers of tenure, a practice which has recently come under fire in several local jurisdictions, perhaps because there are already too many tenured twits in the classroom as well as in leadership positions.

It makes verbal sense to you and to me, of course, that any revolutionary war should precede any civil war, but dollars to doughnuts the guy didn’t have a firm grasp on the concepts of “revolution” and “civil war”. Anyone might forget exact dates, but it takes true self-esteem to be clueless about the general trend of history in our country.

I used to think tenure was essential for the protection of free speech, but why should teachers require any more protections along that line than any other working citizen? It’s easy to see that social promotions actually do increase self-esteem totally unconnected with actual knowledge or skill or accomplishment.

True Grit or True Crit

Last week I saw the new movie, True Grit (haven’t seen the old one with John Wayne yet), a pretty good Western. The characters, especially the two main characters, spoke without using contractions, which was intended to give an air of antiquity, and it worked well, although Americans were certainly using contractions in the late 19th and early 20th centuries in ordinary conversation. Besides adding a spurious air of antiquity, the effect is to make the speakers sound somewhat formal and serious, as well as more genteel than the characters who do use contractions. Try speaking for a while without using any contractions and see if it does not add weightiness and gravitas to your mind and tongue. I found the technique to be effective in this movie, and somehow it fit well with the vast landscapes of the western plains.

Speaking of which, at the Taft Museum in Cincinnati there’s a painting by Henry Farny called “Song of the Talking Wire” in which a Plains Indian is leaning his ear against a new telephone pole. In the Taft’s and in other descriptions of the painting, the critiques always emphasize something like the “devastating encroachment” of European civilization on the lives of the Indians as symbolized by snow, twilight, a dead deer, and a buffalo skull. But in this 1904 painting, the Sioux has a rifle, not an Indian weapon; he has two horses, not native to this continent; and the carcass of a deer slung over one horse means food, not devastation, and he’s lucky to find food in the winter. The buffalo skull could allude to the vanished buffalo herds, but skulls are not uncommon in the wilderness. Anyway it’s not a human skull. One caption to this painting (I forget where) said this Indian listened at the phone pole so he could tell his people he heard spirits and thus become a shaman. Who knows? I’ve noticed that the explanatory notes in art and other museums are different than they were when I was a kid. They often throw in political commentary of some kind, based on the views of the sign writer rather than the plausible views of the artist.

It’s a Black Thing, You Wouldn’t Understand

Alan Kennedy, whoever he is, is collecting color idioms in various languages and you can add to the list if you know some that aren’t there yet. It’s interesting to compare and contrast the feelings about color in different languages. For instance, a “black bee” is a woman’s female friend in Hindi.

TV person Joy Behar recently tried to get worked up over “Black Friday”, asking if it isn’t a racist expression. Whoopi Goldberg had to explain that Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, is the busiest shopping day of the year and businesses hope to get “in the black” on that day. Before computers or even typewriters, clerks made entries in business ledgers with black ink for money coming in (credits) and red ink for money going out (or debits). I hope Miss Joy Thing never complains of being misunderstood herself.

A Minor Event

The BBC is commemorating the 400th anniversary of the publication of the King James Bible in 1611 with readings and events throughout the kingdom in the coming year. Already you can find some readings on YouTube if you search “King James 400”.

Of course there are tiresome objections to the BBC devoting so much time to a “minority”. Does this mean no minority tastes should be represented? Only the majority? Which would be…? Even if Europeans are casting off their Christian fetters, they oughtn’t to cast off their knowledge of two thousand years of European history, philosophy, art, literature, and culture.

Pahk It

One Kate Evans has written a short piece on conveying dialect or accents in writing, a tricky thing to accomplish well. But this subject perfectly clarifies the value of our eccentric spelling system, which some people would like to change to one more phonetically consistent. Which phonetic pronunciation should we use? If an Ohian wants to “park the car in Harvard Yard” while a Bostonian wants to “pahk the cah in Hahvahd Yahd”, who is correct? We all know what “Harvard” is when we read it. Spelling helps make English the common language for so many people around the world.

This Parvum Year

For six and a half years I hit my internal deadline faithfully and sent out Parvum Opus every week, with few exceptions, until I ran out of steam earlier this year. I admit that a paycheck would have kept me on deadline, but obviously that’s not why I write it, and time wasn’t the problem either. Two projects siphoned off my writing energy.

This spring I produced an audio autobiography on CD of my friend, blues musician Sonny Robertson, called When Sonny Gets Blue. It's the first installment and I’m looking forward to collecting more material from him.

This summer I started working on a long-postponed epistolary biography of my high school Spanish teacher, Ellen Rowe. About ten years ago she asked if I wanted a bag of letters she'd written to her parents over a period of more than a decade, starting with her college years in 1953. She broke her neck in a car wreck in Spain when her Spanish fiancé was driving her car in the mountains, and was largely paralyzed ever after. She never married. I was surprised at her offer. Maybe it was because I was a writer and editor, though we didn't discuss what I might do with those letters. Of course my way of reading them — hundreds of letters — was to start typing them, but I didn't get far, then moved to Ohio & got married, and Ellen died in 2005. I let it slide until this summer, when I buckled down and typed every one. Then I started trying to find some of the people she named, and even visited some of her friends in Indiana. In spite of all her losses, Ellen went on to teach and travel, and never complained. A very admirable character. Thus the book, which I’m just beginning to edit; I’m thinking about the chapters I’ll write too.

And I have other projects in mind.

But writing Parvum Opus continues to be a pleasure, particularly when I hear from my readers. So here’s to a happy new year for all, as I end this PO and this year with a cryptic note I made to myself for some reason or other: “Opposite of schadenfreude?”

Schadenfreude (adversity + joy) is a German word meaning the pleasure one takes in someone else’s failure or pain, and what else can we say about studying mistakes in language? When Thomas de Mahy, the Marquis de Favras, was condemned to death by French revolutionaries, he said, “I see that you have made three spelling mistakes.” This perhaps gave him some satisfaction.

But when I wrote that note, I don’t know whether I was thinking we need a word for suffering at someone else’s success or happiness; or even for suffering over their adversity; or for taking pleasure in someone else’s success or happiness. It should be pleasure in others’ success, shouldn’t it?

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Parvum Opus 380: Postjudice

Dulce, utile, et decorum est pro patria scribere

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Book Trailers

Something new (to me, anyway) in publishing: book trailers. Look it up on YouTube, on Book Trailers, on your favorite (still living) writer’s web site, on publishers’ web sites; or just do a general search. Good way to promote your book. A couple I’ve seen are very slick, like movie trailers, and expensive to produce. But you could produce your own. The simplest way would be to get a web cam, make a video of yourself talking about your work or reading from your book, and post it on YouTube. I might try it.

Literature and the Professions

Certain professions lend themselves to fiction, or rather, certain professionals are inclined to write fiction, particularly mysteries. Of course most writers start out with a day job, and most end up with the day job too; not many can make a living writing. But some day jobs are more likely to provide either material or an entire world-view on which to build a novel.

There’s practically a sub-genre of academic novels written by professors, instructors, lecturers (my favorite academic novel is Lucky Jim by Kingsley Amis). Academics tend to be bitter, but they usually write well unless they get caught up in literary fashions like postmodernism. Amanda Cross was the pen name of Columbia professor Carolyn Heilbrun, whose academic mysteries were a bit too arch, sort of affectedly Nick and Nora, with politics. I was surprised to find that she killed herself for no good reason in 2003.

An article in the UK Guardian discusses the psychologist as novelist, though not in much detail. This is a likely pairing if you think of the novel form as being about character and character development, though you’re likely to get a somewhat narrow idea of what constitutes the human person.

Lawyers and policemen and doctors like to write novels, too. They have the plots and the drama, in addition to lots of observation of human behavior, and law people have ideas about good and evil as well as legal and illegal. Lawyer John Grisham, of course, is hugely popular, and his plots make good movies.

Priests, you would think, wouldn’t have enough free time to dabble in fiction, but Fr. Andrew Greeley is a popular novelist, and his web site calls him a sociologist too. I tried reading one of his books years ago, but couldn’t finish it; as much as I like crime novels, I thought his book was shallow and boring. He’s 82 now, and cracked his skull in a fall two years ago, so the prolific author isn’t writing anymore.

Journalists often are naturals. The late Tony Hillerman was a newspaperman whose clean style worked well with his Navajo police stories and Southwest landscapes.

Anne Stories

From Anne DaBee:

Forgive me for spouting another gem from my "school days", so to speak, this time re "can" and "may".

Student: Can I go to the bathroom, Mrs. D.?

Mrs. D.: I hope so.

Student, puzzled: Huh?

Mrs. D. explains, not for the first time, the difference between "can" and "may", and asks if the student would care to rephrase the question.

Student: NOW MAY I go to the bathroom?

Mission accomplished, at least for the moment.

And then there were the times when students asked to "borrow" a tissue from the box on my desk and received a "no" answer, followed by a brief definition of "borrow" and an explanation of the ick factor inherent in "borrowing" a tissue. Oh, well - I really tried to contribute to the literacy of all those decidedly average middle schoolers...

Here’s a story that will get Anne’s tinsel in a tangle, as someone seasonally said to me last week. Andrew Buck, a Brooklyn school principal, wrote a semi-literate letter to parents, full of errors and incoherencies, but most shockingly arguing (if his statements could be elevated to argument) that textbooks aren’t necessary. Obviously they weren’t vital to him, and yet he has a good job, in education, no less. I wasn’t able to find a transcript of his letter but if you click on his photo at the link above you’ll find pictures of segments of this atrocity, which begs the questions:

· How did he graduate? (Answer: Social promotion to promote self-esteem, of which he has way too much.)
· Why doesn’t he hire a good secretary to edit his letters? (Answer: He doesn’t know he needs one.)
· How did he get this job without at least understanding the value of books? How did he get to be principal of a school, let alone a charter school for art and philosophy? (Answer: He was hired by people who got social promotions and have lots of self-esteem, and perhaps he had a professional write his resume. And possibly it was the art department that had the hiring power. Surely philosophy teachers still have to read books.)

Buck’s philosophical proposition: You can’t learn about textbooks from textbooks. Following that logic, no one could ever learn to read in the first place.

Selections from Mike Sykes

Mike Sykes wrote:

On punctuating abbreviations:

One convention (hardly a rule) is that you don't need a stop if the abbreviation ends with the last letter of the full word. Another, rather more radical school of thought says you don't need a stop if understanding doesn't require it. Us Brits are just not as hide-bound with rules.*

By the same token, you don't get stops at the end of newspaper headlines, even when they're grammatical sentences.

By the way, how do you abbreviate "forecastle"? My dictionary on disk has "fo'c's'le" - I don't think one sees that very often; the OED online has "Also written fo'c'sle" as the only alternative; and HMS Victory has "foc'sle". Can any one of these three be regarded as the correct version?

Dict.org gives fo'c'sle as a spelling, and yourdictionary.com gives fok-sel as a pronunciation; fo’c’sle would be a reasonable approximation of that pronunciation though it does tend to make you expect three syllables; foc’sle would be better. Why a third apostrophe for the absent letter T would be omitted I couldn’t say; it’s hardly worse than having two apostrophes in one word. Do sailors ever pronounce the original word as spelled: forecastle? If you type fo’c’sle into Google, you get Wikipedia’s entry for forecastle.

How about bosun for boatswain (originally, boy or servant on a boat, not a lover on a boat)? It does very well without apostrophes. I think my dad was a bosun on the USS Intrepid in WWII.

*Who would have thought us Americans were hide-bound!

On may and might:

“Might I have the last doughnut?” However, that sounds to me more like a British usage.

It's an attempt to be (over?) polite. But you would be more likely to say "May I go now?"

On apostrophes and prepostrophes:

How about calling all of us who write and speak on apostrophes, “apostrophers”?

The verb "apostrophize" is already in the dictionary, "apostrophizer" would be a natural derivation.

One meaning of “to apostrophize” is to digress, i.e. to speak in apostrophes (L from Gr apostrophē, a turning away from the audience to address one person / apostrephein / apo-, from + strephein, to turn: see strophe).

Preposterous literally means “before after” (i.e. contrary). Someone who prepostrophizes would be turning two ways at once (i.e. absurd).

Pre- and Post-

The word “prejudice” produces a knee-jerk reaction: Prejudice is bad. We need another word to fill in a meaning gap here. I offer “postjudice”. This means opinion based on experience and knowledge. Prejudice can of course come from generalization about experience and/or information, and thus isn’t necessarily unreasonable. Forming an opinion after experience is the mark of a brain in action. “Don’t be judgmental” is the mark of laziness, usually uttered with witless dishonesty.

Me Being

Jeffrey Folks quoted Obama in “Me Being President”:

"The notion that somehow me saying maybe you should be taxed more like your secretary when you're pulling home a billion dollars... I don't think is me being extremist or me being antibusiness," Obama explained.

Many of us say things like “me being” instead of “my being”, but remember that “being” is a gerund here, a noun, and so should be preceded by the possessive pronoun. Perhaps Harvard doesn’t give remedial English classes as do so many universities.

(I would like to note here that 25%, say, of a billion dollars is way more than 25% of a secretary’s pay. But I apostrophize.)

ODIOGO

Note the Odiogo link in Parvum Opus online at cafelit.blogspot.com. This allows you to listen to a podcast of each issue, or download it as an .mp3 file. Odiogo provides a digital voice reading. It’s a little weird and imperfect, but generally comprehensible.

NEW STUFF FOR CHRISTMAS!

Cute new baby clothes and blanket: “Fresh Pict”. New: stadium blanket. “STET Happens” mugs and coasters and flasks are popular with editors and writers.

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Parvum Opus 379: Prepostrophes

Dulce, utile, et decorum est pro patria scribere

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PIQUE PEAK

Shai Hasse sent this:

“Often times you have a short window to peak the interest of a perspective employer, so you must seize that moment. Come learn the art of the 30-second elevator speech at this session from Professor Zagaiski.”

…the above paragraph is excerpted from an email touting the agenda for a weekly professional networking group…think I'll pass............

To be fair, Professor Zagaiski is teaching fast talk, not spelling, which takes slow study.

SYKES THE APOSTROPHER

Mike Sykes wrote:

On the origins of Mrs. and Ms:

…at least in UK, "Hey Mrs", usually spelt as "Hey missus" would not be considered very respectful. Problem is, there's no satisfactory way of hailing a respectable woman/lady of unknown name. Madam sounds like an rather olde-worlde shopkeeper, Ma'am sounds like addressing royalty. We lack the French convenience of Madame (and, of course, Monsieur, or M'sieu).

Traditionally one wouldn’t hail a respectable unknown woman, but realistically it must be done from time to time, as when shopping, eating at a restaurant, or climbing out of a car wreck. (The last time I was in a wreck I restrained myself from speaking at all to the woman in the other car because I knew no good could come of it, and no polite titles would have come to mind. I let the police speak to her.)

By the way, it must be true that in England you don’t put a period after an abbreviation such as “Mrs”, but we do in the U.S., the idea being that over there the period represents absent letters, which in this instance only occur in the middle of the word.

On pedagogical despair:

It'll be a significant step forward when there is a consensus on what is "proper" English! For now, just look at the last few lines of this, noting the date.

Here Mike added this link.

On unobtanium:

And another clever coinage heard on the Dennis Miller radio program from a movie producer: “They moved to the left coast looking for unobtanium.”

Don't remember when I first heard (or saw) it, but it goes back a while, see here.

I had never heard it before.

On “timely” as an adverb:

I tend to share your feeling, yet OED has a separate entry for timely as adverb, quoting examples from Shakespeare and before.

OK, but it doesn’t sound natural or correct now.

On thanks:

Not to mention "Thank you for observing all safety precautions."

All?

On may and might:

By the way, I need to say a few more words about may and might, which also irritated Mike mightily, as in: "...he died last January, and this newly approved drug may have prevented his death." Simply, mightis the past tense of may and should have been used in this case, but that can easily be forgotten because might can also be used for the present or future: “I might go to the game.” Some people have the idea that might is less definite in indicating a possibility than may, but that’s pretty vague and is not a rule (“I may” go vs. “I might go”—can you spot the difference?). May of course also indicates permission (and here we get into the difference between may and can, but that’s not our topic), but it’s also possible to use might for permission: “Might I have the last doughnut?” However, that sounds to me more like a British usage.

On apostrophes and prepostrophes:

But reams have been written on apostrophes, and many more or less normal usages are unexplained. "Brutus' dagger", "James's computer", the "Sykeses' get together".

How about calling all of us who write and speak on apostrophes, “apostrophers”? Here’s more from two other great apostrophers:

Here's my take on house signs, from Richard Lederer and John Shore, Comma Sense:

This brings us to those names we see in front of houses and on mailboxes everywhere—“The Smith’s, “The Gump’s,” and even (sigh) “The Jone’s.” These are distressing signs of our times. Which Smith, we ask, and who, pray tell, is Jone? Here we have an atrocity of both case and number in one felonious swoop.

Who lives in the house? The Smiths. The Gumps. The Joneses. That’s what the signs should say. It’s really nobody else’s business whether the Smiths, the Gumps, and the Joneses own their domiciles. All we need know is that the Smiths, the Gumps, and the Joneses live there. If you must announce possession, place the apostrophe after the plural names—“The Smiths’,” “The Gumps’,” “The Joneses’.” Your attention to this matter will strike a blow against a nationwide conspiracy of signmakers and junior high school shop teachers dedicating to spread of prepostrophes throughout our land.

PERMISSIONTO BEAT

Bill Roberts said, “We should be permitted to beat the living dogdirt out of anyone who confuses accept and except.” Permission granted.

EBONICS REVISITED

Joe Clarke sent a link to the original resolution about Ebonics as a substitute for the teaching of standard English in Oakland, California schools. Perhaps the most outrageous statement in that document is:

…these studies have also demonstrated that African Language Systems are genetically-based and not a dialect of English.

What other language in the world would be described as “genetically based”? If black people do not learn standard grammar, does this mean they not only speak a particular patois but also are geneticallyincapable of learning another language or dialect—after living in this country for three or four centuries? The whole point of this bogus scholarship and educational directive was to oil around the fact that black students in Oakland were getting bad grades. Were they also considered genetically predisposed to figure numbers differently, or not at all? I used to tell my students that learning standard English is a survival skill, and to say that ordinary students (i.e. not mentally retarded) cannot learn what most people learn is at best blindly stupid and at worst intentionally destructive.

EXPERTS SAY

Medical language is often unintelligible to the lay person, of course, but there’s a trend in advertising to make lay people (i.e. customers) feel like they’re in on scientific language. It used to be that advertisers and drug makers made up sciency-sounding names for products, often ending in –ex or sounding like one of the –stan countries. Now I’ve noticed a trend toward rewording ordinary language into other ordinary language. For instance:

A heavy period is a medical condition called “heavy monthly bleeding”.

Low testosterone, called Low T.

Instead of translating a highly scientific, usually Latinate, term into plain English, a phrase in plain English is translated into an almost identical phrase in plain English, although I’ve never heard anyone, medical professional or otherwise, use the term “low T” for hypogonadism. Heavy bleeding is called menorrhagia.

The next phase in advertising will be to have the narrator say something like “heavy bleeding” or “low T” and have the actor who plays the drug consumer just grunt and point to the groinal area.

MISCELLANEY

· On the radio on Veterans Day/Armistice Day: “I’m trying to play as much military music as I can garner.” He should have said “as I can muster.” Garner is about gathering and storing (as grain). Muster can mean gathering and showing the troops. It would have been a better choice just for that reason, but in any case, the DJ is presenting something, not collecting.

· The giant Wal-Mart has sections for Hispanic food and Latino food. What’s the difference? Is there any reason Tex-Mex, for instance, would be more or less Latin-based or Spanish than Cuban?

· From somewhere: “Everything you need to create quick, colorful, creative projects.” I’ve complained before about “creative” used to describe the creation rather than the creator, but in this case, the redundancy is idiotic.

· From somewhere: something “plays a major factor”. This error comes from not attending to the meaning of words, and mixing up cliches. Someone or something plays a role, or is a factor.

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BIOGRAPHY

Buy Sonny Robertson’s intro biography on CD, When Sonny Gets Blue, at CafePress. (Note that if the text on the spine is misaligned, it’s the fault of CafePress, not me.) Also, four of his early pre-blues R&B dance songs are now on YouTube. Search for Sonny Robertson + The Tabs. Music CDs available at sonnyrobertson.com/buy, where you can buy with PayPal.

ONLINE PUBS

I’m publishing for the Kindle digital reader with Amazon and on Lulu.com for download to computer and for printing. Amazon now has a downloadable Kindle reader if you don’t have the little handheld device. Most of these titles are available in both locations. Search for Rhonda Keith on Amazon.com Kindle store and Lulu.com.

The Man from Scratch is about cloning, escort services, murder, and restaurants in Akron, Ohio, featuring Roxy Barbarino, writer for Adventuress Magazine. Novel. PRICE REDUCED.

A Walk Around Stonehaven is a travel article on my trip to Scotland. Short article with photos. (Lulu.com only.)

The Wish Book is fantasy-suspense-romance featuring the old Sears Roebuck catalogues. Novella. PRICE REDUCED.

Carl Kriegbaum Sleeps with the Corn is about a young gambler who finds himself upright in a cornfield in Kansas with his feet encased in a tub of concrete; how would you get out of a spot like that? Short story.

Still Ridge is about a young woman who moves from Boston to Appalachia and finds there are two kinds of moonshine, the good kind and the kind that can kill you. Short story.

Whither Spooning? asks whether synchronized spooning can be admitted to the 2010 Winter Olympics. Humorous sports article.

Blood, Sweat, Tears, and Cats: One woman's tale of menopause, in which I learn that the body is predictive; I perceive that I am like my cat; and I find love. Autobiographical essay.

Parvum Opus Volume I. The first year (December 2002 through 2003). You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll get PO’ed. Collection of columns.

NEW PRODUCTS in CafePress:

Food thermos and beverage thermos

Scot Tartans and Fresh Pict:

T-shirts and more (custom orders available).

T-Shirts & mug: FRESH PICT, with two ancient Pictish designs

BUMPER STICKER: FRESH PICT, white on blue, with 10th Century Pict-Scot Merman Cross (blue on white also available)

Stuff:

BEVERAGE THERMOS, FOOD THERMOS, SIGG WATER BOTTLE, ORGANIC T-SHIRTS IN GREAT COLORS, MINI-CAMERAS, DENIM SHIRTS, MUGS, TOTE BAGS, MOUSE PAD, TEDDY BEAR, AND MUCH MORE AT Parvum Opus CafePress shop: (NOTE: If you have problems viewing this site, try a different browser.)

· Click To Embiggen boxer shorts

· Eschew Obfuscation bumper sticker

· Graphic covers of my books

· Dulce, Utile, et Decorum (Sweet, Useful, and Proper), title of new collection of Parvum Opus, Volume I; & bumper sticker

· No Pain, No Pain

· Star o’ the Bar

· Veritas Vincit (Truth Conquers) with Celtic Catti & Snake insignia

· Flash in the Pants

· If you're so smart why aren't you me?

· PWE (Protestant Work Ethic)

· I am here maternity tops

· I eat dead things (doggy shirt, pet dishes, and BBQ apron)

If you don’t see exactly what you want — a particular design or text on a particular item — let me know and I’ll customize products for you.

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Trivium pursuit ~ rhetoric, grammar, and logic, or reading, writing, and reckoning: Parvum Opus discusses language, education, journalism, culture, and more. Parvum Opus by Rhonda Keith is a publication of KeithOps / Opus Publishing Services. Editorial input provided by Fred Stephens. Rhonda Keith is a long-time writer, editor, and English teacher. Feel free to e-mail me with comments or queries. The PO mailing list is private, never given or sold to anyone else. If you don't want to receive Parvum Opus, please e-mail, and I'll take you off the mailing list.Copyright Rhonda Keith 2010. Parvum Opus or part of it may be reproduced only with permission, but you may forward the entire newsletter as long as the copyright remains.

Translate into 12 languages, including two forms of Chinese, using Babelfish.

Parvum Opus 378: Mistress of Unobtanium

MISTRESS OF MANNERS

Miss Manners (Judith Martin) explains the origins of Mrs. and Ms.:

… the title of Mistress was used for both the married and unmarried, just as its equivalent, Mister, was and still is. Seventeenth- and 18th-century* tombstones can also be found in which Mistress is also abbreviated as - get this - Ms.

That's right - using Ms. for both the married and the unmarried is not a modern feminist invention. No disrespect is intended in the old or the modern usage.

Later, two other abbreviations of Mistress, Miss and Mrs., took on distinct meanings: Miss meaning unmarried, and Mrs. meaning "wife of . . . " Therefore, Mrs. would not be used with the lady's first and last names [i.e. Mrs. Jane Smith rather than Mrs. John Smith], because it would make no sense to call her the wife of herself.

I think she errs here. True, today Mrs. always means a married woman, or a formerly married woman. It’s also a title to sort of distance the speaker from a woman, so you don’t have to holler “Hey you” or “Hey Sue”.

But to go further in her line of thought, is Mister John Smith the husband of himself? No, we suppose he is the master of himself; a free man, whether married or not. In the old days, Mistress Mary Meade was a female in her parents’ house or in her husband’s (and her) house, perhaps her own house, and the mistress of herself to a degree.

While women today sometimes object to being called housewives (“I’m not married to a house”), no one objected to being considered the mistress of a house. It was a great responsibility, a mark of the progression from female childhood to maturity.

*By the way, we all learned not to start a sentence with a numerical digit, but to spell out numbers. In a sentence like this one, where the spelled-out century is paired with the numbered century, should this rule be ignored? It looks clumsy, yet spelling out both dates would be awkward. You could reword the sentence to save the rule, but sometimes this involves twisting the natural flow of the English sentence, but try: “Tombstones in the 17th and 18th centuries…” This has the further advantage of eliminating the hyphenated adjectival phrase.

FROM THE PEN OF ANNE DABEE

Rhonda - You rang several of my bells this time!

On Teaching English

"The mother-tongue differs in one respect from all other subjects of study. It is not only an end, but the vehicle, of instruction. For this reason all teaching is English teaching, and every school exercise may be made, and should be made, an English lesson." Nicholas Murray Butler, Introduction to Percival Chubb's The Teaching of English xx (1902).

The Maryland State Board of Ed. must not have read this in 1973, when I was a volunteer in my youngest's third grade class. Correcting papers, for all subjects, was one of my duties. I was disturbed to learn that, while spelling and punctuation could be marked (i.e. red penciled) on all papers, such errors could only be counted against the grade on ENGLISH papers. The teacher almost apologized when he told me that, and encouraged me to make BIG red marks for bad spelling wherever it occurred. Even on a science paper, misspelling of words in the science lesson (the planet Merkry, for instance) didn't lower the grade as long as the INFORMATION was correct. No wonder we can't spell today! (Btw, this was NOT the way it was done in Minnesota - everything counted on every paper - so it was doubly shocking to me when I learned the Maryland rules. Remember, too, that Dave and his sibs had to learn all verses of the Star Spangled Banner before getting a passing grade in Senior English - things were much different there!)

On apostrophes
The apostrophe is used mainly in hand-lettered small-business signs to alert the reader that an "S" is coming up at the end of a word, as in: WE DO NOT EXCEPT PERSONAL CHECK'S, or: NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY ITEM'S. Another important grammar concept to bear in mind when creating hand-lettered small-business signs is that you should put quotation marks around random words for decoration... [Dave Barry]

And then there's the issue of incorrectly using the apostrophe when a plural is intended - i.e. on addresses or mailbox signs, "The Smith's", or "We went to the movies with the Smith's" - the Smith's WHAT? For the address/mailbox, it could be considered a verbal shortcut to "The Smith's house"; your guess is as good as mine regarding the companion(s) at the movies... and we won't even address the problems with correct usage of its and it's.

Cereal Comma

(LOVE this! Grape Nut's?)

Back to the serial comma, I still don’t know of a rule saying a modifier at the end of a sentence modifies only the final element in the series (Laugh, Sing, and Eat Like a Pig—laugh like a pig? sing like a pig?)...

Perhaps no rule, just 20-some years of training (continuing education, of sorts) proofing and editing legal text, where everything had to be expressed in a way to promote maximum clarity and minimum opportunity for misinterpretation (by clever lawyers trying to bend the law to suit their purposes?) Enough, already - just everybody buy the book and make up your own mind what the author does like a pig... or not.

Illusive allusion may elude

This was the teaser on one of the "current news" bits on AOL's Welcome page. Things like this annoy me almost as much as reporters who incorrectly use "might" and "may". As in, "...he died last January, and this newly approved drug may have prevented his death."

“Tara Lipinski says she remembers a lot of things about winning gold medal during the 1998 Winter Olympics. But one tiny thing still alludes her…”

Wonder what I'll do for entertainment when everyone (at least in America) writes and speaks proper English?

Respectfully submitted - Anne

When everyone speaks proper English, I will have nothing to write about. As for Lipinski, I respectfully submit that the tiny thing is the journalist who alluded [to] her. Apropos of which is an item from Overheard in the Newsroom ‎#5998: Student in basic reporting class: “I think my major in English and my minor in journalism is a conflict of interest.”

And while we’re there, here’s another: Overheard in the Newsroom ‎#6017: Reporter 1: “God, I’m feeling flungover today.” Reporter 2: “What’s ‘flungover’?” Reporter 1: “It’s like hungover, only further over.”

And another clever coinage heard on the Dennis Miller radio program from a movie producer: “They moved to the left coast looking for unobtanium.”

TIMELINESS

This selection shows the problem I’ve always had with the word “timely”:

…verify, correct, and update primary law data timely, efficiently, and accurately…

Efficient and accurate are adjectives and can be made into adverbs by adding ly. Time is not an adjective, but timely is. Timely is not really the same formation as the two other words in the series. We can say “do it in a timely manner” or “do it on time” (which is slightly different in meaning, implying a specific deadline), but we never say “do it timely”, at least I don’t. There isn’t really a parallel construction to maketime/timely into an adverb.

THANKING YOU IN ADVANCE

You’ve probably seen signs like these:

Thank you for bringing only service animals into the store.

The idea is to avoid being negative, e.g. “Do not bring animals into the store, except service animals. And by the way, thanks.” The word “only” is crucial here. I’m waiting to see “Thank you for wearing shirts and shoes”. Or how about “Thank you for parking somewhere else” or “Thank you for driving straight and maybe going around the block instead of making a U-turn”. Even “Thank you for not smoking” requires the use of “not” which is so, uh, negative.

PEN KNIFE

I was watching a documentary video on The Book of Kells—I was lucky enough to find a used CD containing the entire ms.—and in the demonstration of cutting a quill pen, I realized where the term pen knifecame from: obviously a smallish blade suitable for trimming quill pens.

THE WEEKLY GIZZARD: MOI ON EXAMINER.COM

Vote early and often and anywhere you want

A federal court has found that Arizona cannot require proof of citizenship for voter registration, though polling places can require photo ID. This ruling is from the same administration that has chosen not to pursue the appearance of Black...

Columbus Day is for all native Americans

Today is the "official" (Monday) Columbus Day holiday. Someone has posted an anti-Columbus video featuring good-looking young non-white people talking about the heinous crimes of Christopher Columbus (meaning, of course, all white...

NEW!

New Parvum Opus items in the CafePress store, including beverage and food thermoses.

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BIOGRAPHY

Buy Sonny Robertson’s intro biography on CD, When Sonny Gets Blue, at CafePress. (Note that if the text on the spine is misaligned, it’s the fault of CafePress, not me.) Also, four of his early pre-blues R&B dance songs are now on YouTube. Search for Sonny Robertson + The Tabs. Music CDs available at sonnyrobertson.com/buy, where you can buy with PayPal.

ONLINE PUBS

I’m publishing for the Kindle digital reader with Amazon and on Lulu.com for download to computer and for printing. Amazon now has a downloadable Kindle reader if you don’t have the little handheld device. Most of these titles are available in both locations. Search for Rhonda Keith on Amazon.com Kindle store and Lulu.com.

The Man from Scratch is about cloning, escort services, murder, and restaurants in Akron, Ohio, featuring Roxy Barbarino, writer for Adventuress Magazine. Novel. PRICE REDUCED.

A Walk Around Stonehaven is a travel article on my trip to Scotland. Short article with photos. (Lulu.com only.)

The Wish Book is fantasy-suspense-romance featuring the old Sears Roebuck catalogues. Novella. PRICE REDUCED.

Carl Kriegbaum Sleeps with the Corn is about a young gambler who finds himself upright in a cornfield in Kansas with his feet encased in a tub of concrete; how would you get out of a spot like that? Short story.

Still Ridge is about a young woman who moves from Boston to Appalachia and finds there are two kinds of moonshine, the good kind and the kind that can kill you. Short story.

Whither Spooning? asks whether synchronized spooning can be admitted to the 2010 Winter Olympics. Humorous sports article.

Blood, Sweat, Tears, and Cats: One woman's tale of menopause, in which I learn that the body is predictive; I perceive that I am like my cat; and I find love. Autobiographical essay.

Parvum Opus Volume I. The first year (December 2002 through 2003). You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll get PO’ed. Collection of columns.

NEW PRODUCTS in CafePress:

Food thermos and beverage thermos

Scot Tartans and Fresh Pict:

T-shirts and more (custom orders available).

T-Shirts & mug: FRESH PICT, with two ancient Pictish designs

BUMPER STICKER: FRESH PICT, white on blue, with 10th Century Pict-Scot Merman Cross (blue on white also available)

Stuff:

BEVERAGE THERMOS, FOOD THERMOS, SIGG WATER BOTTLE, ORGANIC T-SHIRTS IN GREAT COLORS, MINI-CAMERAS, DENIM SHIRTS, MUGS, TOTE BAGS, MOUSE PAD, TEDDY BEAR, AND MUCH MORE AT Parvum Opus CafePress shop: (NOTE: If you have problems viewing this site, try a different browser.)

· Click To Embiggen boxer shorts

· Eschew Obfuscation bumper sticker

· Graphic covers of my books

· Dulce, Utile, et Decorum (Sweet, Useful, and Proper), title of new collection of Parvum Opus, Volume I; & bumper sticker

· No Pain, No Pain

· Star o’ the Bar

· Veritas Vincit (Truth Conquers) with Celtic Catti & Snake insignia

· Flash in the Pants

· If you're so smart why aren't you me?

· PWE (Protestant Work Ethic)

· I am here maternity tops

· I eat dead things (doggy shirt, pet dishes, and BBQ apron)

If you don’t see exactly what you want — a particular design or text on a particular item — let me know and I’ll customize products for you.

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Trivium pursuit ~ rhetoric, grammar, and logic, or reading, writing, and reckoning: Parvum Opus discusses language, education, journalism, culture, and more. Parvum Opus by Rhonda Keith is a publication of KeithOps / Opus Publishing Services. Editorial input provided by Fred Stephens. Rhonda Keith is a long-time writer, editor, and English teacher. Feel free to e-mail me with comments or queries. The PO mailing list is private, never given or sold to anyone else. If you don't want to receive Parvum Opus, please e-mail, and I'll take you off the mailing list.Copyright Rhonda Keith 2010. Parvum Opus or part of it may be reproduced only with permission, but you may forward the entire newsletter as long as the copyright remains.

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